Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
