there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
