is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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