moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
