He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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