I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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