So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
