and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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