Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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