I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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