U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
