if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
