why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
