is wine microwaveable?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
