Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My balls are so social today.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
