Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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