I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is my gift to your gina
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
