Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
