she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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