gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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