Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
