I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
