I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
