I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
