this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
