at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
