I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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