Pants 0. Shit 1.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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