i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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