Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
