When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
