It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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