Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
