my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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