I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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