We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she told me i tasted like america
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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