Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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