Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
