he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
