pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just found puke in my bra..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
