i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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