we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
