My entire life is one complicated drinking game
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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