Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
