I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
