I think I won the penis lottery.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I forget how to act sober
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
