Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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