my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
