I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
