don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
