So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
pray to the hookup gods
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...