I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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