just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
