I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER