And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.