And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
