You just made me feel so damn special
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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