OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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