I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
