Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
