I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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