grandma shit on top of the toilet
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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