Christians are straight up FREAKS
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
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I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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