My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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