It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
