I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
