my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
