Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
