she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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