I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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