So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
