New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i dont even know how to be here
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
