of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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