If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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